When you think of Disney princesses, what comes to mind?
Superb hair and terrific gowns?
Rousing songs and kick-arse animal sidekicks?
Giacometti diets leading to unattainable body images, as well as a problematic lack of agency linked to the perpetuation of harmful gender stereotypes?
Critics are fond of tearing these beloved figures apart, but it can’t be denied that while some of the older films and their messaging may have a negative impact on young minds, Disney has evolved over the years. The likes of Mulan, Brave and Frozen lead the way in showing that more stronger and more independent princess figures can be decent role models.
It’s not a crowded field, to be fair, especially when considering Sleeping Beauty’s Aurora doesn’t have much in terms of agency, Cinderella lets everyone walk over her (including the mice), and Rapunzel trusts a complete stranger called Flynn.
What was she thinking? That being said, the long-haired heroine did manage to hold onto her identity and got what she wanted in the end, so who are we to judge?
Chances are though that the last thing on your mind after their happily ever after is the princesses’ health check ups – specifically how they have faced serious health hazards.
Enter the British Medical Journal, who have published the starkest of warnings in their recent (and lighthearted) Christmas issue.
The Netherlands’ University of Twente researchers Sanne van Dijk, Michael Bui and Anouk Eijkelboom have argued in a humorous article that eight Disney princesses do not live as happily ever after as the movies make it seem. And although the health concerns they have analysed are done in a humorous way, the study is grounded in scientific literature.
“Until now, research has focused mainly on the effects of Disney films on the health of viewers, without investigating the health risks of the princesses themselves,” the researchers write in their opinion piece.
Researcher Michael Bui did add: “The article is purely satirical and should not be interpreted as a serious critique.”
We’re taking it seriously, Michael, and with that in mind, let’s deep dive into the research, princess by princess.
Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)
Snow White may be first Disney princess but her “opportunities for social interaction are extremely limited.”
The research states that “an overview of systematic reviews finds a strong positive association between lack of social interaction and cardiovascular disease, depression, anxiety.”
Fortunately, Snow White has the Seven Dwarfs to keep her company.
Less fortunate, however, is that the princess eats a poisoned apple which puts her in a “sleeping death.”
She never had a chance, did she?
Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
It didn’t start off all that great for Aurora, as Maleficent bewitched her as a newborn.
Then comes the finger-pricking on an enchanted spinning wheel’s spindle (that’s a fun sentence to say out loud) and she gets put into an infinite sleep.
Beyond the problematic implications of a comatosed woman who can only be woken by a “true love’s kiss”, the researchers warn that “health hazards associated with oversleeping include cardiovascular disease, stroke, obesity, and diabetes.”
“Furthermore, systematic reviews have shown that prolonged bed rest is associated with increased risk of pressure ulcers and time dependent muscle atrophy.”
So, a lack of consent when it comes to Prince Philip AND ulcers?
Yikes.
Cinderella (Cinderella)
Cinderella has a cold-hearted stepmother and two spoilt stepsisters who exploit her. Nothing good can come from that.
“Cinderella is forced to run the household, continuous exposure to dust putting her at risk of developing occupational lung disease (OLD).”
Oof.
But that’s not all. Cinderella’s fairy godmother spreads a lot of magical glitter around – what the writers of the study refer to as “aluminium coated microplastics” – which has the ability to penetrate lung tissue and “contributes further to OLD development”
Basically, she needs to bibbidi-bobbidi-get to a respiratory expert. Pronto.
Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
Where to begin with this one?
Belle’s father is kidnapped by the Beast, offers herself as a captive, and gets to spend time with a confusingly handsome creature who doesn’t look as dishy when he’s transformed back into a human at the end.
The research calls the Beast a chimera, as he has “gorilla eyebrows”, “the mane of a lion” and “the arms and body of a bear”.
A chimera is “an entity composed of cells of different organisms” and close contact with the Beast exposes Belle to “many potentially life-threatening infectious diseases, such as brucellosis or rabies.”
Well, it’s either rabies or the raging narcissist that is Gaston. We’d take the shot as opposed to the mental health damage caused by that preening protein shake.
Jasmine (Aladdin)
Jasmine’s only social interaction is with her guards and the princes who ask for her hand in marriage.
“This exposes her to the risks of social isolation, similar to Snow White. Additionally, while the Genie might sing “you ain’t never had a friend like me,” the truth is that Jasmine has no friends at all.”
Uh, her pet tiger (and absolute legend) Rajah would care to disagree.
Speaking of Rajah, however, he “poses a risk of zoonotic infection, as well as craniofacial and cervical spinal injuries”.
Harsh.
Pocahontas (Pocahontas)
Pocahontas is a daredevil and her antics pose a health hazard.
“Her cliff dive has an impressive falling time of nine seconds,” states the research. “Based on the falling time, we estimated the height of the cliff through simulations using coupled differential equations for height and velocity with quadratic drag. Assuming average female anthropomorphic measurements (62 kg, 1.62 m height, 0.36 m shoulder width), and standard environmental constants (drag coefficient of 1.0, gravitational acceleration of 9.81 m/s2, and air density of 1.2 kg/m3), the cliff height was estimated at 252 m.”
These experts are truly brilliant and should be funded more.
“Studies on slamming dynamics of diving suggest that hand first dives from heights above merely 12 m could already be critical for clavicular compressions.”
Essentially, Pocahontas needs an X-ray and a day off.
Mulan (Mulan)
Celebrated warrior though she may be, there are some issues at play with Mulan’s origin story.
“A story of deeply rooted familial and societal pressure lies beneath,” warns the research. “Mulan repeatedly experiences honour based violence through pressure from her family to uphold their honour with an arranged marriage, a public serenade summoning her to bring honour to all, and public defamation by the Matchmaker and the Emperor’s counsel. Women facing honour based violence may experience increased levels of mental ill health – such as in the form of anxiety from being forced into living a life they did not choose.”
Mushu would be appalled.
Rapunzel (Tangled)
Princesses really don’t have it easy. Rapunzel is taken captive by Mother Gothel, who uses Rapunzel’s hair as a magical anti-ageing serum.
As you do.
Considering cutting her hair would break the magic, her 21-metre-long braid is a problem.
“Through the use of her braid as an elevator cable, Rapunzel’s hair follicles are likely to have been damaged from repetitive excessive pulling, a condition known as traction alopecia (TA). In the long run TA can lead to permanent hair loss.”
The less said about scalp pain and the resulting headaches, the better.
There we have it.
“To address these health challenges, Disney should consider measures, including mindfulness and psychotherapy, training on living with animals and personal protection measures against toxic particles,” the researchers write.
“Only then can Disney princesses live healthily and happily ever after.”
So, the next time you watch Beauty and the Beast, get a rabies shot handy. Check-ups are important.
